Book Review-The Zero Dog War by Keith Melton

Title: The Zero Dog War

 Author: Keith Melton

Series:   Zero Dog Missions #1

Published:  15 Februrary 2011 by Samhain Publishing

Length: 288 pages

Warnings: violence, adult jokes

Source: bought

Other info: Keith has written other things like The Nightfall Syndicate and Ghost Soldiers.

Summary : The first bullet is always free. After that, you gotta pay.
After accidentally blowing up both a client facility and a cushy city contract in the same day, pyromancer and mercenary captain Andrea Walker is scrambling to save her Zero Dogs. A team including (but not limited to) a sexually repressed succubus, a werewolf with a thing for health food, a sarcastic tank driver/aspiring romance novelist, a three-hundred-pound calico cat, and a massive demon who really loves to blow stuff up.
With the bankruptcy vultures circling, Homeland Security throws her a high-paying, short-term contract even the Zero Dogs can’t screw up: destroy a capitalist necromancer bent on dominating the gelatin industry with an all-zombie workforce. The catch? She has to take on Special Forces Captain Jake Sanders, a man who threatens both the existence of the team and Andrea’s deliberate avoidance of romantic entanglements.
As Andrea strains to hold her dysfunctional team together long enough to derail the corporate zombie apocalypse, the prospect of getting her heart run over by a tank tread is the least of her worries. The government never does anything without an ulterior motive. Jake could be the key to success…or just another bad day at the office for the Zeroes.
Product Warnings
Contains explicit language, intense action and violence, rampaging zombie hordes, a heroine with an attitude and flamethrower, Special Forces commandos, ninjas, apocalyptic necromancer capitalist machinations, absurd parody and mayhem, self-deluded humor, irreverence, geek humor, mutant cats, low-brow comedy, and banana-kiwi-flavored gelatin

Review: Captain Andrea Walker, pyromancer, heads the Zero Dogs, a team of mercenaries made up of a werewolf, a succubus, a vampire, a creature summoner, a demon, a failing novelist, and a fake ninja, who run around and destroy things. Unfortunately, their latest act of destruction was not what was required of them, and now they’re further in the red than before. Luckily, they’re offered $25million  by the government if they complete this job-take out a necromancer with  a horde of zombies at his disposal. Only one problem- they’re forced to take Captain Jake Sanders their team. As the inter-team dynamics change and the UST between Andrea and Jake grows, all of them must focus their efforts on stopping the zombie takeover of the gelatin market.

Read the official summary. You will see why I really wanted to read this. And I’ve had this on my wishlist for a while (I think this was the first thing ever on my goodreads to-read), but never got round to reading it. But now I have, and I’m really glad I did.

It starts off with a typical mission, which results showing the personalities of most of the team really well, and their ability to mess things up. It soon gets into the contract for the zombie-necromancer mission, and is set up from there.

I love all the characters. Andrea is tough talking and stands up for herself  a lot, and the fact that she is a pyromancer  raises the awesomeness levels by about a million times. All the supernatural creatures are the opposite of their stereotypes, and they’re all totally different characters. Jake, when he first gets in, is very overwhelmed by them and their banter, as is evidenced by when he tried to give a briefing (that scene reminded me of a class playing up for a supply teacher who ends up either terrified, traumatised or highly concerned for the students’ sanity), but once we know him more, compliments them well. They all work together as a close team, and it’s nice seeing the bonds they have. The necromancer, Jeremiah Hansen, is an amusing antagonist, doing all he does for financial profit in the gelatin industry.

Andrea narrates with  a fair bit of sass, and in conversation comes up with more. The plot happens quickly, instantly pulling you in with an action scene and getting to know the characters, and moving on to the main plotline. I like the shifts to third person narration to follow Jeramiah and his adventures with the zombies.

I laughed my way through this book. The events that happen, the characters reactions and interactions and the general way this book is written what with parodying tropes of supernatural mercenaries and just being totally unexpected. The Zero Dog War cannot fail to brighten your day.

Overall:  Strength 5 tea to a really fun paranormal investigation with a cast full of lovable characters. Really hoping there’ll be a second coming soon.

Links: Amazon |  Goodreads | Author website |