Open For Discussion (1) : Werewolves VS Vampires

Hello and welcome to the new feature on this blog that is called Open for Discussion. Its where me, and some other people discuss various topics, relevant-ness unknown, share opinions and see what you think. Yes, this has been censored to the best of our abilities Editors comments in square brackets. Most of this was actually said. We recorded our chatting on a phone then typed it up. And as script form, you do not get the idea of how much we shout over each other and the chaos that ensues.  Please prepare for total irrelevance and if you do have a problem, feel free to keep your opinion to yourself. If you would like to add something to the discussion, please do.  What do you think of today’s topic, WEREWOLVES VS VAMPIRES?

Nina: Today’s debate is about vampires vs. werewolves, Mimz taking vampires, Nina taking werewolves and Katy being neutral and [to Katy] you’re supposed to be starting a discussion.

Katy: hello!  What first. Starting with werewolves

Nina:  um, their transformation is more dramatic than a vampire’s, the lot of fur, elongating fangs,

Katy: I thought vampires had the fangs as well

Nina:  no, they wouldn’t have started with them

Katy: Shut up

Mimz:  vampires are perfect because [irrelevant and inappropriate comment]

Nina & Katy: no, we can’t say that on our blog

Nina: [to Katy] can she be neutral and you are vampires

Katy: Ok

Nina:  Talk about vampires in a more literary sense

Katy: erm, vampires suck blood, don’t most creatures do that like mosquitoes and leeches

Mimz: you know the house of night series, drinking blood [if you know what drinking blood in the HoN series means, you know, if you don’t, you don’t want to know.]

Katy: we don’t care about you

M_ it’s basically [refers to above comment]

Katy: Ignore that because Mimz is stupid. Werewolves are hairy and ugly and vampires aren’t necessarily hairy and ugly.  They can be but all werewolves are ugly

Nina:  only at the full moon

Katy: well they’re all hairy and ugly when they’ve done the transformation

Mimz: I don’t want a doggy in my apartment every month. I want a fit vampire I don’t care if it drinks my blood.

Nina:  that would be good because then we wouldn’t have to live with you

Katy: just stop going on

Mimz: wait, would could you do with it

Katy: you’re an it?

Nina:  I don’t know. Right, something vaguely on topic. Limits of a vampire, erm,

Mimz: [indistinguishable noise]

Nina:  we don’t care. Limits on vampires. Depends on the mythology really. They can all be killed with a stake but then so can anything.

Katy: werewolves can as well

Nina:  yes they can.

Katy: and they can be killed without a stake, they can be killed with a gun. Technically it’s a silver bullet, and there’s lots of silver everywhere. You don’t see that many wooden stakes these days

Nina:  that’s because it’s sort of hard to conceal a long wooden stake than it is to conceal a little bullet in your pocket

Katy: or a bracelet made of silver, or a necklace or an earring,

Nina: so if you’re a werewolf you’re sort of screwed

Katy: let’s see, if they [vampires or werewolves] want to protect something, a werewolf can only really do that once a month.

 Nina:  sometimes werewolves are strong in human form as well.

Katy: who cares?

Mimz: JUSTIN BIEBER [she’s obsessed, no matter how much she claims she isn’t]

Nina:  No-one cares

Mimz: I care

Katy: he’s not a vampire or a werewolf. He’s a slug.

Mimz: he’s awesome

Katy: that is your opinion and no one cares. His secret has been revealed he is a slug. [Pokes Mimz in the arm]

Mimz: ow! I think I broke my arm!

Katy: then why are you clutching your nose?

Nina:  back to the debate. [To Mimz] think of a good thing about vampires that has nothing to do with [her previous train of thought]

Mimz: both of them are sexy. They sparkle!

Nina:  no, we are not talking about twilight because that does not count as a book.

Mimz: ok, they drink blood. They go up to somebody and they drink blood

Katy: they drink animal’s blood. They’re part leeches. Leeches are part slimy, but they sparkle in the sun.

Nina:  do they

Katy: well they’re shiny

Mimz: have you seen a leech

Nina:  hand drawn pictures [artwork, they didn’t claim to be scientific drawings]

Katy: they’re black and wriggly

Nina:  and then on the asylum [Emilie Autumn] forums, they’ve got pink and white stripes

Katy: that makes them worms. You’re a little deluded.

Mimz: PAIN! PAIN! PAIN! PAIN!

Nina:  let’s think of something

Mimz:  I’ve thought of something- wait is it vampires or werewolves?

Katy: I don’t want you on the team, can I kick her off?

Nina:  I thought you were supposed to be neutral

Katy: Am I?

Nina:  let’s just talk

Mimz: vampires are always young while werewolves age don’t they

Nina:  not in the parasol protectorate series where they’re immortal as long as they haven’t got a preternatural holding onto them wiping out their abilities

Mimz: [ignored last comment] but they stop being werewolves

Nina:  no, they’re still werewolves; they’re just in human form

Katy: I think vampires are still a lot a better. Werewolves have square faces if you think about it. They come in a sort of trapezium shape

Mimz: werewolves are just disturbing. They’re scary they’re weird

Nina:  moving on

[Discussion from all of us in which we work out that intimate relationships with both vampires and werewolves would be considered illegal]

[Katy is pulled out to speak to a friend then comes back]

Katy: we shall ignore everything Mimz says that’s to do with [her previous train of thought]. I’ve got another one. Wouldn’t it be easier trying to look after a werewolf food, cross-contamination, cooking

Nina:  werewolves in human forms tend to be able to eat human food, where vampires, when given human food, tend to sick it up. It’s hard to keep a vampire because you need fresh human blood

Katy: you don’t have to worry about cross contamination because you could just give the slab of meat raw to the werewolf

Mimz: can I just say, whether you are vampire or a werewolf you are screwed. Go die in a pit

Katy: why a pit? I understand how a werewolf can die in a pit, of hunger or something. How would vampires die in a pit, a stake through the heart in a pit?

Nina:  Mr Crepsley. [Darren Shan, the Saga of Darren Shan]  Put a stake upright in a pit and the vampire falls on to it. 

Katy: why do they kill crepsley again?

Nina:  it’s basically an accident he falls in

[Nina and Katy both laugh at how Mr Crepsley dies]

Katy: ok. Vampires are often quite stupid and werewolves can be as well

Nina:  do werewolves or vampires have a better sense of smell?

Katy and Mimz: werewolves

Katy: but then you think about Karin [Chibi Vampire, manga]

Nina:  actually she can’t really drink blood

Katy: the rest of her family can

Nina:  werewolves they’re a little more convenient in terms of waking hours

Katy: Vampires can be helpful by taking on the night shift they’re good for the economy.  You see loads of male and female vampires and hardly any female werewolves. That sexist.

Nina:  you get Nina from Being Human [yes that does have some books out].

Mimz: You watch it? Is that any good?

Nina:  yes

Nina:  werewolves can be slightly more interesting and they’re more predictable. You can just keep the wolf in the basement on the full moon when they’re evil and vampires are sort of evil all the time

Katy: Mimz, have you got anything more to say about vampires

Mimz: secretly, I think Katy is a vampire

Katy: no, that’s not true. And not helpful

Mimz: I think, I don’t care what you think, but vampires can have children, with more half vampires

Katy: werewolves reproduce

Mimz: well they stop it after a bit of time don’t they? Twilight, they stopped reproducing

Katy: that’s because twilights retarded

Mimz: and so are you

Nina:  This is irrelevant, we have run out of time, and so ends our debate.

[Here are some slightly saner comments on the matter from friends and other people I found on the internet.]

Cool cookie: werewolves are very very hairy and vampires are quite pasty but they are both hot in Twilight.

Katy (afterwards): Manga vampires can look good but all manga werewolves look strange

Nina (afterwards): Seconds above. See Gin, the werewolf from Rosario and Vampire

Booksrme: were-wolves petrify me so that leaves me with vampires

Dormouse: werewolves because they’re only evil in wolf form but vampires are always evil.

Team Jacob forever: Vampires are super cute. Werewolves are soooo fit!

Tom Riddle: Vampires are beautiful and can in fact become vegetarian making them much safer than werewolves

Nina (afterward): Please ignore above comments from two twitards who may or may not be completely sane.

Wops: They are both a load of [rubbish]

Iza: werewolves are better because vampires are like mosquitoes and blow Death the Kid’s [Soul eater, manga] arm off damn them!

Nina:  Please note Iza is currently obsessed with Soul Eater and may or may not do a guest review of Soul Eater at some point.

Iza: KID DAMMIT! DEATH. THE. FREAKIN’. KID. And a werewolves helped him out as well ;D

Mysterious person: Werewolves because they’re cooler.

Someone: Werewolves are cuddly

Owl: vampires can come out every night. Werewolves have to wait for the full moon.

Maddie: Werewolves are cuter

Nia: vamprires are cool and they can suck blood and fly

Westy: Werewolves because I think they’re less intimidating.

Other someone: I think they’re both interesting because they’re cursed to do things they don’t want to.

Stephanie at Books are a Girl’s Best Friend: I don’t really read vampire and werewolf books, so I don’t know...

Sherrilyn Kenyon, author of Infinity: Both equally because they’re awesome, but in entirely different ways.

Gail Carriger, author of the Parasol Protectorate series: I just don’t find vampires that sexy. I like the idea of a hero who’s kind of scruffy and buffoonish and a little lost in his alpha–nature, rather one who is all sleek and urbane.

Matt Haig, author of The Radleys: Vampires have less body hair issues, and every night beats full moon. So werewolves don’t come close.

So...after hearing those comments on vampires and werewolves, of varying degrees of sanity, what do you think? Bloodsucking leeches or shapeshifting dogs?

You decide. Let the war continue below.